Divorcee Said She'd Do Anything...
One of my hobbies as a kid growing up in Los Angeles was doing magic tricks for other kids in the neighborhood.
At age 14 I was invited to do a magic show for an adult bithday party.
One of the guests was a young divorcee who seemed particularly interested in a certain trick I did -- and said she said she'd do anything if only
I would tell her how it was done.
To be a great magician
Was what appealed to me.
And be famous like Houdini
Was what I thought I'd be.
The neighbors were my audience,
The kids especially.
I'd put a little show on,
And it would be for free.
But once when I was fourteen,
I was asked to do a show
For a grown-up kind of party,
Where the drinks made people glow.
My color-changing necktie
And my disappearing dice
Had everyone applauding.
They really were quite nice.
But when the show was over,
And time for me to leave
A gal with a martini
Came tugging at my sleeve.
She pulled me very close and said,
"Hey - you're not leaving yet...
I watched you very carefully,
And there's something I don't get."
"The way you made that goldfish bowl
Just vanish in thin air...
Your clever little secret
I think with me you'll share."
"Well," I said, "I'm sorry.
I'm sure you'll understand...
Professional trade secrets..."
That's when I felt her hand
Go somewhere that it shouldn't go -
I gave a little yelp.
She said, "You need to loosen up,
And with me you'll have some help."
I said, "It's the Magician's Code -
There's nothing I can do."
She nudged me through a door and smiled,
"I want to talk to you."
She closed the door behind her
As she cooed, "Now just relax.
About that missing goldfish bowl -
I just want to know the facts."
I had to keep the secret
And not let down my guard
But found this not the only thing
That now was getting hard.
She sat me on this big soft bed
And said, "Let's try again.
Say - I have seen some cuter guys,
But can't remember when."
"Here, taste my dry martini -
You see, I love to share
And by the way, how do you like
My ravishing red hair?"
"In case you might be wondering
If it is really red
There's just one way of finding out,"
With flashing eyes, she said.
"Well, I'll just take your word for it.
I really have to go."
"Oh, come on little man, calm down -
I know you want to know."
"And, say, it's awfully warm in here -
Would you unzip my dress?"
I tried to stand and move away -
But felt her fingers press
Around the thing that now was feeling
Like it would explode.
Just one more squeeze and I was sure
That I would...
(Shoot, I think I've said enough here).
I took her wrist and moved her hand,
But it just wouldn't stay.
"I think that I've embarrassed you -
But I see that you're not gay."
"Well, no I'm not - but still in all
You know I'm just fourteen."
"Gee, you would be my youngest yet.
I like them when they're green."
Well, that got me to
You've got to start some time.
And just to have a little fun -
Could this be called a crime?
She dimmed the lamp and asked if I'd
Feel better with less light.
"Here, let me take your jacket.
Tonight could be your night."
Well, I had heard the reasons why
This thing I shouldn't do.
But found resistence weakening -
Could not hold back - could you?
Well, she had pulled her skirt up
And was showing me her thighs,
When all at once a voice rang out,
Saying, "Hey in there, you guys!"
"I don't know what you're doing,
But you're missin' lots of stuff."
"We're playin' Spin the Bottle
And it's gettin' kinda rough."
Well, that was all we needed,
And so my story's told.
And losing my virginity
Would now be put on hold.
(That night I held it a lot.)