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Senior Computer Tutor
Don Edrington Home Profile |
Same Sex MarriageIt Probably Never Will Be My take on the subject of same-sex relationships has more to do with philosophical rather than political, legal, or religious considerations. I'm just enough of a hopeless romantic to believe that love is good, wherever it's found. And when it comes to true, unconditional love (such as the love dog owners receive from their pets) I'm not good at marginalizing it into: "Well, that's not the same as the love between a man and a woman." I'm just happy about love being felt and expressed, no matter who the participants might be. As for marital relationships, if a man truly loves, respects, and cares for his wife in every possible way, he has my unconditional admiration. And if a man truly loves, respects, and cares for another man, why should I admire him less? Or, more to the point, why should I condemn him? Beyond that, I know there are many who say that a man being intimate with another man is expressly forbidden in the Bible and that they should be condemned on those grounds alone, if on no others. Such believers also have my respect for their beliefs and their convictions, but they in no way deter me from admiring true love between whomever happens to be sharing it. Having said all this, I must also say that the thought of being intimate with another male is one of the most distasteful things I could possibly imagine. In fact, I never have imagined it and would likely be sick to the stomach if I tried. But I feel much the same about eating turnips. However, I have no negative feelings toward people who enjoy turnips, based solely on how their taste buds differ from mine. As for the endless argument about whether a person is born with homosexual tendencies or chooses to become homosexual, my observations of the many I have known lead me to believe it is a matter of genes rather than of choice. If a traditionally married couple lives in the house to my left and a same-sex couple lives on my right, should I shun the latter and view them with suspicion. solely on the basis of their sexual preferences? And if they are raising children should I forbid mine from playing with theirs for similar reasons? If the adults are honest, hard-working, tax-paying citizens who obey the law and teach their kids to do likewise, do these traits count for nothing simply because they happen to love someone of the same gender? If I feel obliged to not judge people by their skin color, religious beliefs, country of origin, or any other ethnic distinction shouldn't I feel equally obligated to not judge them by whether they share my inclination of being turned on by a woman rather than by a man? Having grown up in Hollywood, California, I came to know quite a few homosexual and bi-sexual people over the years. However, I can honestly say I never met one I disliked, much less one that I found to be unworthy of being a human being. Gay Roommate In fact, when I was in my early 20s I lived in a boarding house in Hollywood for a few months and my roommate was homosexual. We got along just fine. I've told the whole story here in case you would like to know more about it. Back to my views on homosexuality in general, I admit to having told jokes about hair stylists, interior decorators, and male ballet dancers, - but they were told with no more malice than jokes about Scots being thrifty, husbands being henpecked, wives being nags, lawyers being liars, politicians being crooks, or blondes being stupid (blonde women, of course, not blonde guys like me), along with stories about alcoholic signpainters (I'm a signpainter by trade). And I'm also guilty of occasionally remarking that someone on TV looks as though he might be gay, just I might say he or she looks Hispanic or they appear to be a family of Italians. However, if I'm introduced to someone whom I perceive to be homosexual I don't gasp and look for ways to beat a hasty retreat back to "my own kind of people." People are people and people are different. I revel in getting to know their differences, while sharing and comparing theirs to mine. Gay Pride Parades That said, I must confess I've never been to a gay pride parade and am unlikely to ever attend one. However, I would not protest their having one on my street - as long as I could still get in and out of my driveway without difficulty. Frankly, though, I tend to be puzzled by the concept of a "gay pride" parade just as I would be puzzled by a "heterosexual pride" parade. But as long as they are doing no harm to others, why should I care? Yes, I realize there are those who would argue that "they (the gays) are doing harm to others" if they are allowed to associate with our children and suggest to them that they (the gays) are perfectly normal people who are simply wired differently in their being attracted to folks of their own gender. Well, who wired their hearts and brains thus? God, of course, who created and wired us all. Should I discriminate against some of God's children because they don't feel the exact same way I do regarding love and romance? That brings us back to the "born that way" or "willful and evil defiance of God" argument. But I must quit now. I'm trying to find a Jewish doctor. Why Jewish? Well, everyone knows they're the best.
Beyond all this, I can't help wondering what the statistics might be re: the longevity differences between traditional marriages and same-sex unions. My guess, when I think of all the divorced people I have known (including my mom, who had been through four failed marriages before age 35) is that gay couples tend to stay together longer. Case in Point Last year a couple of young men moved into the house next door. A few months later a third young man moved in with them. The house was bought and extensively refurbished by the parents of one of the young men.
In the course of all these activities we became acquainted with our new neighbors and the parents who had bought and remodeled the house - wonderfully nice people all the way around - we couldn't ask for better neighbors. As for the three young men, one might be inclined to ponder the fact that very few women have been seen coming or going, and none of the guys has ever mentioned having a girlfriend or being in a relationship of any kind. So what is our reaction to this? None whatsoever. Zip. Nada. It's none of our business. We just feel blessed to have such gracious and helpful neighbors and couldn't care less about their race, religion, political leanings, or - least of all - whether or not they share our sexual orientations. Speaking of Neighbors... ...the folks on the other side of us are equally charming and friendly. We're always doing favors for one another. However there are some -- certainly not Mary nor I -- who would say they are "living in sin" since they are unmarried. He's a big, strapping 40sh guy and she's a somewhat older gal who has a grandson who visits occasionally. And in case you are wondering if Mary and I are married, well, that's nobody's business but ours. Nonetheless, I will acknowledge having been married for 41 years until my wife passed away in 2001. Living in Sin Getting back to "living in sin," I can't help wondering if a couple of un-married Lesbians are living in more sin than a "straight" couple living together without being married. If this be the case, wouldn't the female couple be committing a "lesser" sin if they got married? Well, maybe - but they can't get married in California - yet. During my 41-year marriage it was comforting to know that no one would ever challenge it or try to tell us what was "legal" or "illegal" about our relationship. Shouldn't same-sex couples be likewise left alone to live their lives and pursue their dreams? Do their promises to love, honor, and care for each other somehow threaten your marital status or mine? I applaud and commend them for being willing and anxious to sign their names to a document that attests to these virtuous commitments. I also, sadly, know lots of "straight" people who signed such a document and then later walked out on their spouses and kids.
One of the most strident arguments I hear from those who oppose same-sex marriage is: "It will be legal to teach youngsters in school that 'homosexual wedlock is normal.' Such teachings are a threat to traditional marriage because it tells the kids it's OK to go out and do what is forbidden in the Bible." Well, I certainly wouldn't want any teacher telling my third-grader that 'homosexual wedlock is normal.' But I would be equally upset if he or she told my child that 'homosexual wedlock is not normal.' In fact, I wouldn't want someone who preaches about religious beliefs - one way or the other - teaching in a tax-supported public school. But even if my child was being subjected to pro-homosexual teachings at school, I have enough confidence in my own ability to teach him about human nature - and how some people differ from others - that he would be unlikely to come home one day and say, "Guess what, dad (grandpa), I've decided to marry George when I grow up. He's my best friend and Teacher says it's okay." However, if such a scenario did occur, my reaction would be, "Well, son, let's sit down and talk about this." Beyond all that, in today's world of access to the Internet, along with instantaneous communications, I believe it's more important than ever to talk to our children frequently about life, values, and religion. I especially believe they all should be taught the Golden Rule. But I'm not going to circulate a petition to have you kicked out of our neighborhood if you don't do it. In conclusion I'll just say that I hope and pray the day never comes when my life is so empty and meaningless that I have nothing better to do than going door to door, telling my neighbors how their marriages should work. |
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